Yesterday I did a post about the irrational fears of mothers. A reader commented that these irrational thoughts are part of our job description. This made me chuckle. My response was that our job description is far too long, that sometimes I forget what is on it. It got me thinking. Being a parent is a difficult job. It is demanding, keeps long hours & you never get a day off. Our list of responsibilities is a lengthy one.
A Mother’s Resume
12/18/2014
The Pinterested Parent
https://www.facebook.com/thepinterestedparent
Thepinterestedparent.com
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OBJECTIVE:
To successfully raise our child to be a sweet, smart, well-mannered young lady with family values, respect for others and a strong sense of self, without screwing it all up.
EXPERIENCE:
Mother to Mai (January 2012-present)
Child Care Manager
- Nursing with no regard to sore breasts, bleeding nipples or mastitis
- Changed thousands of soiled diapers & cleaned poop out of clothing, hair and sheets on several occasions.
- Endured sleepless nights comforting a crying baby, a cranky toddler, a sick kid & a scared child
- Over-protector and dirty look wielder to playground bullies
- Kissed and bandaged many boo boos & ouchies
- Wiper of runny noses, poopy bottoms, dirty hands & tears
- Personal chef to the most finicky of eaters
- Washed, bathed, shampooed & brushed the teeth of a squirming child daily
- Hairdresser & stylist specializing in pig tales & Elsa braids
- Responsible for transport by either horsey ride, piggy back, carrying, stroller or car
- Diffusing tantrums & meltdowns
Education Director
- Teacher of colors, objects, animals, math, reading, sign language, problem solving and geography
- Acting as a role model trying to accomplish all of the things in the above objective without passing on all of my own bad habits and short comings
- Professor of arts & crafts with a deep focus on paper plate art, painting, Play-Doh sculptures & macaroni art
- Assists in the progression of crawling, walking, talking, potty training & riding a bike
- Responsible for discussions on God, love, sex, death and other various subjects pertaining to life
Purveyor of memories
- Amateur photojournalist chronicling the life of my little girl from birth to present day
- Collector of art projects & drawings
- Archiver of cute, funny & beautiful moments that I will hold securely in my heart & head
Head of Entertainment
- Skilled at Peekaboo, I got your nose & shadow puppets
- Builder of sheet forts & puzzles
- Lead singer of popular children’s songs & silly made up ones
- Tea party guest and Play-Doh cake taste tester
- Master story teller and book reader
- Knock Knock joke aficionado
Housekeeper
- Washer of dirty laundry (no sir, that is actually daddy)
- Dishwasher
- Sweeps up dried up Play-Doh, glitter, crumbs, chunks of crayon, etc…
- Wipes up juice spills and potty training accidents
- Picks up toys, and then picks them up again and then again and again
- Instructs our little housekeeper in training how to be responsible for all of the above chores
SPECIAL SKILLS
- Carrying a diaper bag, pocket book, juice boxes and stuffed animal while balancing a child on the hip
- Giver & receiver of unconditional love
- Demonstrating patience when my patience wears thin
- Expert at hugs, kisses & cuddles
- Mind reader during incomprehensible crying fits
- References are available in crayon upon request.
37 comments
Omg, couldn’t agree more and smiled at this whole thing, especially Elsa braids, as this is a huge request here still daily with my Frozen obsessed girls 🙂
I swear that I always think of you when I reference any Frozen. Lol! It is Elsa braids everyday.
Haha! I have elsa braid dilemma at ny house too
Don’t we all have that dilemma if we have a little snow princess.
I think we do! We that the ‘equestria girl’ pony tail, else braid and doc mcstuffins braid dilemma each day!
Lol! She has the Doc outfit. She wears it virtually everyday.
I’m looking forward to the mcstuffins Doctor set santas bringing for willow
That’s funny. My husband bought our daughter one for Christmas too.
Its one of her main gifts. I cant wait for her to open it!
I’d hire you ;-)!!!
Niiiiiiice! I didn’t even need to send a cover letter. Lol
Better hurry, this kind of resume, almost impossible to find 🙂
Lol! Thanks Carl. 🙂
“…dirty look wielder to playground bullies” and “Mind reader during incomprehensible crying fits” Made me chuckle! This was great. 🙂 🙂
Thank you! Lol! I have given many a child the evil eye at playgroups & on the playground.
You and I both, sister! 🙂
Oh that is too sweet.. I would definitely hire you 😉
Thanks Robin! 🙂
Ha, I love this! Mothering really does require a ton of skills! If only it was a paid position … 😉
Paid in hugs & cuddles. My favorite payment of all.
This is so true! I have done all of the above 3 times over already. You never stop being a mommy.
Three times…and I am tired from just the one. Lol!
I’ve had a rough couple weeks with a two year old and a six month old. No days off over here. Life of a mommy. 😉 I love it though.
Sorry to hear that. Some weeks are definitely rougher than others. We have had a rough few days ourselves. It is exhausting, but we would never change it for the world.
Motherhood can be really tough. I have good days and I have bad days but its a pretty great job.
It is definitely the best job out there even with all of the tough days.
I think that pretty well covers what we moms do.
Thanks. LOl! I think I could have kept going for days, but I had to cut it off somewhere.
Ha! This is awesome!! And the last line is the perfect way to wrap it all up. 🙂
Thanks Rosey! 🙂
What a very cute ‘resume’. I especially like the “specializing in pig tales & Elsa braids” skill.
I am a pro at the Elsa braid now. She needs a braid in her hair everyday.
The list of things for a mom to do it a long one. I love reading these, it puts a smile on my face.
The saying “a mother’s work is never done” could be extended to a mother’s resume, it seems. The never ending resume!
Motherhood has got to be one of the toughest and hardest working jobs you can have. Thanks for the reminder!
What a great and well thought out blog post. I might share it on my page later!
Thank you so much. Please do share it. 🙂 Have a happy holiday.