Let none of us mommies kid ourselves, motherhood is hard. Anyone that says differently either has the patience, energy & halo of a saint or they are on really great pills. For somebody like me, who suffers from chronic anxiety, it can be nearly impossible on certain days.
People often ask me why I am anxious. It is difficult to explain to people that it is nothing specific that causes it. It just comes on without warning. One of my biggest problems is I think too much. I fill my mind with one million & one thoughts & all of those thoughts start fighting with each other for my attention. The trick is to try to quiet all of those thoughts and get them to all stay silent long enough for me to regain myself. When you have a rambunctious toddler running circles around you & trying to push the boundaries, it just adds to the chaos in your head.
It is essential to a mother’s sanity to allow herself a few minutes of peace to recharge her batteries and get back to super-mom status or semi-super at least. One thing that used to help with the everyday stress of life is meditation. Before we had our daughter, I would do it for 10-15 minutes twice a day. It is amazing how just a few minutes can clear out the clutter in your mind.
With the uncomfortable rise in my anxiety levels as of lately, I thought it might be time to try to re-incorporate it into my daily routine. Yesterday, I retreated to my bedroom for a little bit to try just that. I found it very difficult to concentrate with my daughter laughing and screaming in the next room. After a few moments, I gave up & returned to the craziness that is our home. I was still feeling edgy and Mai was still operating at a high volume. I grabbed my daughter by the hand & asked her,
“Would you like to come & meditate with mommy for a minute?
I told her to sit down & do the same as mommy. She sat down next to me and followed my breathing. I could feel her calm. I could hear her breaths. The silence was golden. It was divine. Even though it only lasted only for a minute.
“Mama, can we open our eyes now?”