Yesterday I did a post about the irrational fears of mothers. A reader commented that these irrational thoughts are part of our job description. This made me chuckle. My response was that our job description is far too long, that sometimes I forget what is on it. It got me thinking. Being a parent is a difficult job. It is demanding, keeps long hours & you never get a day off. Our list of responsibilities is a lengthy one.
A Mother’s Resume
12/18/2014
The Pinterested Parent
https://www.facebook.com/thepinterestedparent
Thepinterestedparent.com
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OBJECTIVE:
To successfully raise our child to be a sweet, smart, well-mannered young lady with family values, respect for others and a strong sense of self, without screwing it all up.
EXPERIENCE:
Mother to Mai (January 2012-present)
Child Care Manager
- Nursing with no regard to sore breasts, bleeding nipples or mastitis
- Changed thousands of soiled diapers & cleaned poop out of clothing, hair and sheets on several occasions.
- Endured sleepless nights comforting a crying baby, a cranky toddler, a sick kid & a scared child
- Over-protector and dirty look wielder to playground bullies
- Kissed and bandaged many boo boos & ouchies
- Wiper of runny noses, poopy bottoms, dirty hands & tears
- Personal chef to the most finicky of eaters
- Washed, bathed, shampooed & brushed the teeth of a squirming child daily
- Hairdresser & stylist specializing in pig tales & Elsa braids
- Responsible for transport by either horsey ride, piggy back, carrying, stroller or car
- Diffusing tantrums & meltdowns
Education Director
- Teacher of colors, objects, animals, math, reading, sign language, problem solving and geography
- Acting as a role model trying to accomplish all of the things in the above objective without passing on all of my own bad habits and short comings
- Professor of arts & crafts with a deep focus on paper plate art, painting, Play-Doh sculptures & macaroni art
- Assists in the progression of crawling, walking, talking, potty training & riding a bike
- Responsible for discussions on God, love, sex, death and other various subjects pertaining to life
Purveyor of memories
- Amateur photojournalist chronicling the life of my little girl from birth to present day
- Collector of art projects & drawings
- Archiver of cute, funny & beautiful moments that I will hold securely in my heart & head
Head of Entertainment
- Skilled at Peekaboo, I got your nose & shadow puppets
- Builder of sheet forts & puzzles
- Lead singer of popular children’s songs & silly made up ones
- Tea party guest and Play-Doh cake taste tester
- Master story teller and book reader
- Knock Knock joke aficionado
Housekeeper
- Washer of dirty laundry (no sir, that is actually daddy)
- Dishwasher
- Sweeps up dried up Play-Doh, glitter, crumbs, chunks of crayon, etc…
- Wipes up juice spills and potty training accidents
- Picks up toys, and then picks them up again and then again and again
- Instructs our little housekeeper in training how to be responsible for all of the above chores
SPECIAL SKILLS
- Carrying a diaper bag, pocket book, juice boxes and stuffed animal while balancing a child on the hip
- Giver & receiver of unconditional love
- Demonstrating patience when my patience wears thin
- Expert at hugs, kisses & cuddles
- Mind reader during incomprehensible crying fits
- References are available in crayon upon request.
