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Hit The Pause Button On Life


Life is a funny thing. It seems like from the earliest of ages, we are trying to rush through it. When you are young, you are always trying to be a grown up. You emulate all of the things that you see the adults in your life doing and long to be older too.

“I can’t wait to go to school like the big kids”

“I can’t wait until I am old enough to drive”

“How much longer until I turn 21” (Maybe that was just me.)

As a grown up, it did not change much…

When I was pregnant, I could not wait until my daughter was born. I did not enjoy pregnancy as many of friends did. At the end of my pregnancy, I tried every trick in the book to try to hasten my pregnancy. I was bouncing on a yoga ball & eating pineapple while simultaneously tweaking my nipples and waxing the floor. I was desperate for my pregnancy to be over.

When she finally came, I felt ill prepared. I read a lot of parenting books. I subscribed to computer updates from parenting sites. I Googled and searched the internet for advice & any information that I could find to help me figure out how to take care of this little life in front of me.
There was no book out that that could have prepared me for motherhood. She did not sleep, she cried for what seemed like 27 hours a day. She did not take to her swing or bouncy seat. The only thing that would keep her from crying was to be rocked or bounced in mommy’s arms. If we sat still even for a moment, the symphony of screams would begin. This was a very difficult time for mommy.

I remember saying, I can not wait until she is a little older & ready to play on her Play mat so that I could put her down for a moment.
From there, I continued to wish for time to flash forward. I wish that she would roll over; I wish that she would sit on her own; I can’t wait until she walks. As soon as she took those first steps, I was ready for her to start speaking. Once that day came, it seemed as if time started moving at warp speed.

Tonight as I was reading my sweet little girl a bedtime story, she turned back at me and softly placed her hand on my cheek and said “Mama, I miss you. See you morning, mama” & then 2 tiny little puckered lips touched mine before my baby said “Sleeep”. As I gave my daughter one last kiss & closed the door to her bedroom, I realized I was now hoping that time would stand still. For the first time in my life I am not looking forward to the next great thing. I am already living the best of it.


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