Parenting- The Good, The Bad & The Nasty

IMG_4824This weekend, I had a rare opportunity to get away for a night with the girls. The conversation as it often does shifted to our husbands and our children. One of the ladies in our company did not have any kids. She listened as we told horror stories about botched birth plans, sleepless nights & a variety of other less than pleasant experiences. After sitting silently for a while, she finally chimed in, “The more I listen to people with kids, the more I realize that I don’t want them.”

I realized at this moment, that this is probably the case for any non-parent sitting back & looking in. How many of us only talk about the negative things, whether it be about our work, our husbands or our kids? The good stuff is never nearly as much fun to talk about. I find my friends and I arguing over whose child was the worst infant & who now has the most tantrums & meltdowns.  I think mine normally wins. There are many different facets to parenthood, some are good, some are bad & some are just plain nasty.

All of these things began as early as pregnancy. Some people I know loved being pregnant, I however did not. I had every possible pregnancy symptom that there was. If only 5% of pregnant women had it, I fell in that 5%. I had morning sickness, let me correct that, I had all day sickness for 8 out of the 9 months. My toothbrush terrified me to the core because of it.
I had nose bleeds, carpal tunnel, round ligament pain, hemorrhoids, constipation & heartburn so bad that I did not eat in my 3rd trimester. When my ninth month hit, I could hardly wait for my pregnancy to be over. I was eating fresh pineapple & eggplant, massaging the webs between my fingers & tweaking my nipples while simultaneously bouncing on a yoga ball. That baby needed to come out.

When the time finally came, nothing went as planned. During my 24 hour labor I had 4 botched epidurals, endless Pitocin induced contractions & an emergency C-section that was a thing of nightmares.


In the hospital, I struggled as my daughter & I tried to learn together how to nurse & feed. Breastfeeding is not as simple as it seems. I cried for days as tried unsuccessfully to nourish my baby as an unsupportive nurse hollered at me for doing it incorrectly.

Once home, those tears continued as my nipples chafed, the lack of sleep set in, and I flipped through books & websites trying to find ways to get my daughter to stop crying.

Parenthood is a difficult thing.  You surrender your independence & your freedom to this little creature. You don’t realize how much you took for granted before. Things like running to the store for milk or going to the bank are no longer a simple process. Sleeping in is a thing of the past, unless you consider 7 am sleeping in. Your immaculately decorated home now looks like Romper Room threw up all over it. Trips to the grocery store alone feel like a day at the spa. You need to schedule time to take a shower. Privacy in the bathroom is non-existent.
You get pissed on, puked on & pooped on. You may even get lucky & have all three done at the same time. Freshly picked boogers will be handed to you on a regular basis. Your lunch menu consists of half-eaten, soggy cheese sandwiches & left over juice with backwash. Breastfeeding, diapers, potty training, tantrums & tears, these are all a part of being a mother or a father. I have been exhausted for the past 2 years, 8 months and 16 days.

Before we made the decision to start a family, these were the things that scared me off from wanting children. My friends never shared the good things with me. If you think that you can handle all of the above, remember that there must be some reason that even after all of this, women are still willing to try for baby #2. Being a parent is tough, but trust me when I say that it is worth it.

Here are some of the things that make it all worthwhile…

The first time you hold your new baby in your arms
The anticipation & excitement of every milestone
Watching & hearing them laugh
Every kiss, even the snotty nosed ones
The first time you hear mama or dada
Seeing them grow & transform
The sweet sound of all the I love yous.
Seeing parts of yourself mirrored through your child
The awe & excitement in their face when they experience something new.
All of the funny things that they say that make you smile or laugh
The pride you feel as you watch them learn new things
Being the one that teaches them those new things
Unconditional love & forgiveness
Hearing them screaming “Mommy!” when you come home from work
Hearing them sing
Baby feet

What are your favorite things about being a mother? Let’s share all the great things too.








A Serious Case Of Mommy Brain

I want to thank my friend Deb over at All About Parents for giving me the opportunity to guest post about ‘My Serious Case Of Mommy Brain’ on her fabulous blog. This post was originally posted on her site.

A very interesting thing happened when I was pregnant with my daughter. My mind turned to mush. I became very forgetful. I could barely hold on to a full thought. I would begin a sentence & then forget what I was talking about halfway through. I couldn’t remember the simplest of things.
“Honey, can you pass me that long silver thing with the buttons that changes the TV channels?”
“You mean the remote control?”
“Yes! Thank you! That is what that thing is called.”
My friends warned me about pregnancy brain & that it would get worse as my pregnancy progressed. The thing that they all failed to mention was that after my daughter was born that pregnancy brain would turn into mommy brain.
To read the rest of the post click through below…

Read the Full Post 

The Pros & Cons of Having a Child Later in Life

As I have said to you all often before, when my husband & I first started dating we did not want to have children. Somewhere along the way I started rethinking it slightly. Did we want to or didn’t we. I just wasn’t sure, but as my age was quickly advancing (Ahem), I began to think that I might regret it one day if we did not at least try and see where it took us.
We discovered we were expecting almost immediately after we began trying to conceive.
I was 37 when I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited that my one remaining dusty old ovary still worked. I turn 40 in a few months and there is still much debate in our house as to whether we should have a second child or not. I laugh when people tell me you still have time to decide and then I say “Well, I’ll be 40 this year” and they go “Oooohhhhhhh!”. More and more women are having children later in life, many into their 40’s.  There are definite pros & cons to having a child when you are older.


The Cons:


There are increased risks during pregnancy and childbirth for both you & your baby: The risk of birth defects is greatly heightened after 35.


Your body might not bounce back as quickly: As you get older it only gets harder to take off weight. It is even harder to firm it up if you do lose the weight. Saggy breasts and belly are sexy aren’t they?


Not as much energy: I was tired all the time before I had my daughter. Now I am a walking zombie. In my 20’s I had an abundance of energy, now I find it very difficult to keep up with my energetic toddler.


All of your friends already had babies…: They have raised their babies and are no longer in the same place as you.


Increased chance of not being around still for special events in your adult child’s life such as their wedding or the birth of their first child: My husband and I both lost a parent in our 30’s. Neither my mother or his father ever got the chance to meet their beautiful granddaughter. This breaks my heart everyday.


The Pros:

You have already lived: For me, I feel like I did not miss out on anything. We traveled, threw parties & went to sporting events and shows. We saw a lot and enjoyed our freedom. I don’t having any regrets like “I wish I had ________ before I had kids.”.


Being settled in a job, home & relationship: Babies are expensive and take up a lot of room. You need to be in a good place financially and you need the space to do it in. We barely have enough room for all of our daughter’s toys and books.


All of your friends already had babies…: Translation they have plenty of advice & hand-me-downs.


I think we all agree that being a mother is difficult at any age. This list is based off my own personal experiences and is no way meant to generalize other’s experiences.


When did you have your children? What were or or your experiences with being a younger mother or an older one?


Hit The Pause Button On Life


Life is a funny thing. It seems like from the earliest of ages, we are trying to rush through it. When you are young, you are always trying to be a grown up. You emulate all of the things that you see the adults in your life doing and long to be older too.

“I can’t wait to go to school like the big kids”

“I can’t wait until I am old enough to drive”

“How much longer until I turn 21” (Maybe that was just me.)

As a grown up, it did not change much…

When I was pregnant, I could not wait until my daughter was born. I did not enjoy pregnancy as many of friends did. At the end of my pregnancy, I tried every trick in the book to try to hasten my pregnancy. I was bouncing on a yoga ball & eating pineapple while simultaneously tweaking my nipples and waxing the floor. I was desperate for my pregnancy to be over.

When she finally came, I felt ill prepared. I read a lot of parenting books. I subscribed to computer updates from parenting sites. I Googled and searched the internet for advice & any information that I could find to help me figure out how to take care of this little life in front of me.
There was no book out that that could have prepared me for motherhood. She did not sleep, she cried for what seemed like 27 hours a day. She did not take to her swing or bouncy seat. The only thing that would keep her from crying was to be rocked or bounced in mommy’s arms. If we sat still even for a moment, the symphony of screams would begin. This was a very difficult time for mommy.

I remember saying, I can not wait until she is a little older & ready to play on her Play mat so that I could put her down for a moment.
From there, I continued to wish for time to flash forward. I wish that she would roll over; I wish that she would sit on her own; I can’t wait until she walks. As soon as she took those first steps, I was ready for her to start speaking. Once that day came, it seemed as if time started moving at warp speed.

Tonight as I was reading my sweet little girl a bedtime story, she turned back at me and softly placed her hand on my cheek and said “Mama, I miss you. See you morning, mama” & then 2 tiny little puckered lips touched mine before my baby said “Sleeep”. As I gave my daughter one last kiss & closed the door to her bedroom, I realized I was now hoping that time would stand still. For the first time in my life I am not looking forward to the next great thing. I am already living the best of it.


Related Topics:

Little Conversations


Should We or Shouldn’t We? The 2nd Baby Debate


When you are single, friends and family always want to know, “When are you going to meet a nice man?”





Then, you find him, that man of your dreams & now you are in a serious relationship.





Next it is…”When are the two of you going to get married?”

That magical day comes. You marry your best friend & are ready to start your lives together.





No sooner than you throw the bouquet, someone is at your side saying, “Now it’s time for a baby.”





When our daughter was born, I thought that was it. We are blissfully married, live in a house with a blue porch & a yard, have a dog & a daughter we adore.

Then it happens…”When are you going to have baby number 2?”

Not that we haven’t thought about it of course. I actually would really love to try for another. It has been an on-going discussion for the past year, but are we ready? There are mixed feelings about this in our house. Here are the reasons against and then for having a second child as outlined by my husband & I.


The Cons:

 1.Reliving the infant stageOur daughter is a wonderful toddler. She is smart, sweet, affectionate & funny. While she still can be a handful at times, for the most part she is a joy, but as an infant she was a nightmare. I know this sounds harsh to say, but it is the brutal and honest truth. She spent the first six months of her life sleepless and in tears & so did I. What if baby number 2 follows in her footsteps or is even worse?


2. The financial burden. Money is tighter now than it has ever been. While we used to live quite comfortably, we now have to pinch our pennies. I left my career to take a year off from work to stay home with Mai. When I rejoined the work force, we were lucky enough that my fabulous mother-in-law took on our child care. Would we be able to afford me taking off another year to be a stay at home mommy?


3. Sharing our love. Our daughter is the light of our lives. Neither of us could imagine a life without her. How could we possibly love another child as much as we already love her? How would it affect Mai when attention must be given to a new baby?


4. Pregnancy & labor again. I know some women just adore being pregnant. They are beautiful & they glow and are able to run marathons and work while they are going into labor. I am not one of those women. Other than a few moments of enjoyment with feeling the kicks of my little one, I hated being pregnant. The weight gain, the ligament pain & the heartburn were not fun for me.





The Pros


1. Sibling love. I know that not everyone has the ideal relationship with their siblings & that is unfortunate. My husband & I have both been blessed with brothers & sister that are both siblings & friends. My husband & I have both lost a parent. We turned to our families during those hard times. I am not sure I would have gotten through our mother’s passing without my sister’s love and support. Even with an 11 year age difference, we are as close as two sisters can be. Chris & I know the importance of siblings & wanted this for Mai.





2. Double the love. As I explained earlier, one reason I am wary of having another child is that I am afraid that I could not possibly love another child as much as my little girl. What if I am wrong? Everyone with multiple children insists that I am. What if having a second bundle of love fills our lives with just that much more joy?


3. Reliving the milestones. I always used to find it funny when parents would say “Enjoy it! It goes by so fast.” I never understood what that meant. Time goes by the same for all of us. Wrong! Our clocks may all tick at the same pace but when you have a child, time truly does seem to move at warp speed. In a blink you are a new mommy. You are scared, insecure & in charge of this tiny life. You open your eyes and that tiny life has grown and is walking & talking and kissing you goodnight. If you are at all like me, you reach a point where you wish you could freeze them at the age they are in. As my daughter is quickly evolving before my eyes, I find myself missing certain stages. I even miss the infant stage occasionally.


4. Learning & socialization. Not only would having a new baby bring a playmate to your child in later years, it will teach them a lot of important values, such as sharing, dealing with conflict and basic socialization.


These are our arguments. We both agree that these are the pros & cons but my view is that the pros outweigh the cons, whereas my husband views it the opposite.


What are your thoughts? We would love to hear your input, maybe some of your stories will help sway us into the same direction.

Thank you as always for stopping by. Please follow us on Facebook as well.


Related topics: