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Just Me

Mommy’s night out

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As much as I love being a mother, it can be exhausting & sometimes overwhelming. It is not very often that I get a night to myself to unwind, so when my husband offered to watch our daughter for the night, so that I could get a night out with the girls, I jumped at the chance.
It had been a while since I have been away from my family other than going to work. I was looking forward to it all week. Then when the day finally arrived, I found myself feeling guilty for going out. As my work day was ending, I was second guessing my decision to go out with my friends.
I haven’t seen my daughter all day

I have to wake up with her in the morning

What if daddy feeds her Doritos for supper?

These are the things that went through my head. As much as I always complain that I need a break, the truth is the second I leave my family, I miss them. Despite all these excuses, I pulled myself together and went out with a couple of other mommies, for a girl’s night out.

My girlfriend Maura has a knack for finding fun and original things to do. She found a spot called ‘Brush it off’. It is a group painting session, where they serve beer & wine. I might never leave.

They give you a subject to paint & take you through a step by step process to achieve a great piece of DIY artwork. Our subject was the Ferber daisy.

When you arrive, they have you put on your apron & gather your paint & brushes.

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Don’t forget to grab your drink. I made mine a Shipyard Pumpkin Ale.

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They took us step by step through each part of the flower. The instructions were detailed but simple.

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After two hours of painting, a few drinks & some laughs. My masterpiece was done.

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It was a fun night with good friends . All of us, off duty mommies had a great time & don’t all of us moms deserve that once in a while.

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Remembering My Mother

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Do you believe in angels? I do!

I have been thinking about my mother a lot this week. Nothing makes you love & appreciate your mother more, than becoming a mother yourself. It is a crazy thing. I can remember every smart comment & every eye roll that I ever directed toward my mother. Now looking back, I wish I could take all of those back, because I finally get it. I know why you wanted me to put that puffy coat over my princess costume when we were trick or treating. I understand why you wouldn’t let me eat Lucky Charms. I get all these things now because I have become you.

I wish I could tell you those things. I wish I could ask for your advice. I wish that you had gotten a chance to meet your beautiful grand daughter, but you are gone.

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My mother battled breast cancer, not once but twice.  When my mother was diagnosed the second time, it was shocking. Even more shocking was when we found out that she was already in stage 4. Six weeks after her diagnosis she was admitted in the ICU. I didn’t leave her bed side for a week. I slept at the hospital in the waiting rooms & had the nurses page me when she woke, so that she was never by herself.

My grandfather died of cancer when I was just a little girl. I never met him, but heard my mother speak of him often. I wanted my mother to know that she was not alone. I didn’t want her to be afraid. I tried to ease her fears by telling her that grandpa was watching over her & that he would protect her. I drew this picture one morning while I was sitting by her bed. Later that day, my grandfather & her were reunited. She became the angel that she always was.

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Fast forward six years to the birth of my daughter. From the moment I found out I was having a little girl, there was only one name that she could ever possibly be. Mai, of course was named after her grandmother.

When she was born, we surrounded Mai with pictures of my mother & my father-in-law, who we also lost a year before her birth. We wanted their presences to be with her always. In her nursery a picture of both her grandmother & grandfather are proudly mounted on the wall, looking over her as she sleeps.

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One day when she was only 7 months old, something happened. I was in the bedroom & my husband was in the living room with the baby. He called out to me. “You need to get in here”, he said. What I saw brought a tear to my eye. This is what I saw…

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Just because I can’t see you, it doesn’t mean that you’re not there.
You come to me when I’m asleep. I hear you in a prayer.
I can not touch the soft of your skin or the warmth of your embrace.
But no one can take away from me the memory of your face.

My husband was holding our daughter & she was laughing,squealing & kicking her little feet. Mai was reaching past my husband and grabbing at my mother’s picture. It was as if she knew. 

She has had such a recognition of her since she was an infant. Grandma must come to visit often.

Now when she sees her, she will point and say “Gam Ma”. “Yes baby, that is your grandma & Oh my god, she would have loved you.”

“Correction, she does love you.”

Up next… Toddler Emotions

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http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/11/daily-prompt-unexpected/

http://welding81.wordpress.com/2013/12/11/its-been-8-months-today/

http://sarahsiders.com/2013/12/11/how-to-get-time-back/

http://foodandeverythingelse.me/2013/12/12/when-a-daughter-loses-a-mother/

http://theblishblog.blogspot.com/2013/12/remembering-sarah-and-not-my-amazing.html