Marriage Archives – The Pinterested Parent

The Difference Between Dating and Married

Posted by Pinparent — 30 Comments

I frequently write about my relationship with my husband. I like to joke at his expense often. (Sorry honey) The truth is I know that I am no picnic. I am moody, cranky and many times I do not give him enough credit for all that he does around the house and with our daughter. I say to myself “Well, he knew what he was getting into when he married me.” Did he really though? You think that you are the same person that you were before you got married, but how true is that really?

Let’s compare…

Appearance

Dating: Bought a new outfit, shaved my legs, did my nails, makeup and curled my hair before every date. I continued to primp until he rang the doorbell.

Married: Get home from work and throw my bra on the floor. Wash all the makeup off my face, throw my hair in a bun and change into something more comfortable. “Hey, how many days have I worn these sweats on the floor?” They smell clean. I think these have one more day left in them.

Thoughtfulness

Dating: “Honey, can I get you a beer? Uh oh! I don’t have the beer that you like. I better go to the store. Let me chill this beer mug before I leave.”

Married: “You are closer to the kitchen than I am. Get your own beer.”

Bathroom habits

Dating: Excused myself to use the bathroom because I had to fart. Ran the water, flushed the toilet and sprayed air fresher to cover up the sound or any lingering smell.

Married: “The dog did it”

Conversation

Dating: “Oh my god, you are so funny” (Giggling and flipping my hair.)

Married: “I’m sorry hon, did you say something?”

Interests

Dating: “Oh Yeah, I love football. The Pats are my favorite.”

Married: “The games on? Uuugggh! I will be in the bedroom watching “Once Upon A Time”

Seduction

Dating: Gave him an erotic massage while wearing sexy lingerie.

Married: Unbutton the top button of my flannel pajamas and whisper “The baby’s asleep.”

Fri
05 ^th

A Football Widow’s Rant

Posted by Pinparent — 10 Comments

My favorite time of year is rapidly approaching. When autumn comes it brings with it a colorful palette of falling leaves, fresh crisp air, all things pumpkin flavored & Halloween. I love everything about the fall except one thing…

It’s Football season! For the next 17 weeks (possibly more if we make it to playoffs, gasp…), I will be in mourning. I will officially be a football widow.

Here is the thing. I am not that cool wife. You will not find me on the couch in a sexy Pats tank chugging beers with the guys, screaming obscenities at the TV, listing 101 reasons why Peyton Manning sucks, all while I wait for my Buffalo wings to finish cooking. I am not that girl. Lord knows I have tried. My husband tries to get me involved. He will talk to me about the game, explain what is happening & will even go as far as ask me crazy questions about players and their stats as if I have these answers stored in my ass and have just been waiting to pull them out at the right time. I have gone to the games, read up on the rules, listened to my husband talk about it over & over & over again. Guess what? I still think football sucks. I just don’t give a crap about it. 1st down, 2nd down, holding, what the ?$*k! does it all mean?

As soon as football season starts, my husband gets a wandering eye. It wanders to the television & stays there. I could dance naked in front of the TV with bacon draped over me & he would just say, “Babe, you’re blocking the game.” The fact is I just can’t compete with Tom Brady. I will never win 3 Super Bowls or be able to throw a 50 yard pass. Unless, I get surgery I will never have his cleft chin. I am quite certain if Tom Brady grew a set of breasts my husband might consider leaving me for him. He might even do it without the breasts… Let’s face it, the man is handsome.

So what is a wife to do?

Here is the great thing about being a football widow. You are not alone. There are other women out there that hate football just as much as you do. Find them! You can bond over your mutual hatred for this sport. Set up much needed girl dates or play dates with the kids.

Find your own hobby or interests during the season. It’s fall crafting time. Mai & I will have plenty of projects to keep us busy on Sundays & Monday nights.

Suck it up. Sometimes you just want to spend time with your hubby. Cuddle up on the couch & watch with him. Maybe you have been wrong the first 40 years of your life & you actually do like football. P.S. Beer makes it more bearable.

Luckily, our daughter loves watching sports with her daddy, so she will not wind up a football orphan.

Fri
28 ^th

7 Stages Of PMS – A Husband’s Helpful Guide

Posted by Pinparent — 26 Comments

I am having a bad week. I started a cool new job, I no longer have to work evenings, I have more time with my family. It doesn’t sound so bad does it, well it is. The monthly ritual of misery & mood swings has reared it’s ugly head. For the past two days my poor husband can do no right. Last night I was particularly ornery & told him that he needed to pen a book on what not to say when your wife is pre-menstrual. Since it is highly unlikely that he is going to compose this helpful bit of literature, I thought that I would help out instead.
If you are one of the fortunate men out there that is not married to a victim of PMS, read on anyways many of these stages are seen in pregnancy as well.

1. The emotional stage: Guys, we know that we are oversensitive & emotional during this time. It does not need to be pointed out to us. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I broke down in tears last night because my daughter wouldn’t eat her peirogis. Is this a bit of an over-reaction? The answer is no…just go with it.
What you can do: Be ready with a box of Kleenex and avoid Lifetime & the Hallmark channel.

2. Irritability: I am typically a lovely person, but for about 3-4 days out of the month I turn into a miserable flesh eating monster. A former co-worker of mine used to lock herself in her office for days until I was over the worst of it. Sorry Michelle.
What you can do: Say nothing! If you open your mouth, it will almost certainly bring forth a tidal wave of rage. If you must speak, these are the only acceptable phrases, Can I …give you a foot rub, bring you some wine, take care of the baby so you can nap?

3. Hunger: My belly is rumbling as I type this. I am a bottomless pit that is stuffed full of chocolate, frozen yogurt & any comfort foods that I can get my chocolate covered paws on. DO NOT point out how much I am eating.
What you can do: Go get me a bag of chips..no really, go get me one. I’m starving.

4. Bloating & weight gain: If you are not already cranky & emotional enough, try on a pair of jeans. What once was just a little muffin top has changed into more of a pound cake.
What you can do: Roll back the weight on the scale and tell me that you accidentally shrunk the laundry.

5. Fatigue: As the mother of a toddler, I am tired all the time to begin with. Add the crimson tide to the mix & I might as well be sleep walking. Yaaaaaawn!
What you can do: “Honey, let me get up with the baby, You go back to sleep.” Ahhhh, that’s nice, but I am still mad at you for absoluuuutely nothing.

6. Cramping: Here is my favorite part of it all. The mind numbing pain almost makes me forget about all the rest of it.
What you can do: Trade bodies with me for the day

7. The Gassy phase: There I said it..I fart a lot during my cycle. It is not pretty or sexy but it is true. I hold it in at work all day & once I finally get home, it sounds like test day at the Kazoo factory.
What you can do: Hide all the cans of beans, broccoli or other gas producing edibles. Do not laugh & ask me if I just farted? Do not start a “Mommy farted” chant with our daughter.

Follow these simple rules & we can all get out of the next few days unscathed.

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Marriage