My favorite time of year is rapidly approaching. When autumn comes it brings with it a colorful palette of falling leaves, fresh crisp air, all things pumpkin flavored & Halloween. I love everything about the fall except one thing…
It’s Football season! For the next 17 weeks (possibly more if we make it to playoffs, gasp…), I will be in mourning. I will officially be a football widow.
Here is the thing. I am not that cool wife. You will not find me on the couch in a sexy Pats tank chugging beers with the guys, screaming obscenities at the TV, listing 101 reasons why Peyton Manning sucks, all while I wait for my Buffalo wings to finish cooking. I am not that girl. Lord knows I have tried. My husband tries to get me involved. He will talk to me about the game, explain what is happening & will even go as far as ask me crazy questions about players and their stats as if I have these answers stored in my ass and have just been waiting to pull them out at the right time. I have gone to the games, read up on the rules, listened to my husband talk about it over & over & over again. Guess what? I still think football sucks. I just don’t give a crap about it. 1st down, 2nd down, holding, what the ?$*k! does it all mean?
As soon as football season starts, my husband gets a wandering eye. It wanders to the television & stays there. I could dance naked in front of the TV with bacon draped over me & he would just say, “Babe, you’re blocking the game.” The fact is I just can’t compete with Tom Brady. I will never win 3 Super Bowls or be able to throw a 50 yard pass. Unless, I get surgery I will never have his cleft chin. I am quite certain if Tom Brady grew a set of breasts my husband might consider leaving me for him. He might even do it without the breasts… Let’s face it, the man is handsome.
So what is a wife to do?
Here is the great thing about being a football widow. You are not alone. There are other women out there that hate football just as much as you do. Find them! You can bond over your mutual hatred for this sport. Set up much needed girl dates or play dates with the kids.
Find your own hobby or interests during the season. It’s fall crafting time. Mai & I will have plenty of projects to keep us busy on Sundays & Monday nights.
Suck it up. Sometimes you just want to spend time with your hubby. Cuddle up on the couch & watch with him. Maybe you have been wrong the first 40 years of your life & you actually do like football. P.S. Beer makes it more bearable.
Luckily, our daughter loves watching sports with her daddy, so she will not wind up a football orphan.