tantrums Archives – The Pinterested Parent

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tantrums

Thu
09 ^th

Why Are You So Good For Everybody Else?

Posted by Pinparent — 13 Comments

There are many things in motherhood that are a complete mystery to me.

Why does our daughter ask for something and then cry when I give it to her?

How can she be so utterly sweet & adorable one minute and then such a monster the next?

The thing that confuses me the most is why do tantrums & meltdowns seem to be reserved only for me? Why does she eat with no arguments at daycare and take naps for Nana & most importantly why is she so sweet for her father & yet gives me such a hard time.

I share my exasperations with my husband. I tell him about my traumatic morning battles with our daughter. I explain how trying it is to wake her up & get her dressed and off to daycare. He looks at me and responds “Really, when I have her, she wakes right up and says she is ready to go to Miss Laura’s. We get dressed without any problems” Of course you do. Of course. Once again, not only do I feel as if I am an inadequate mother, but I feel as if it my stories of these difficult mornings seem like nothing more than an over-exaggeration or a figment of my imagination. Am I perhaps crazy? Is she really not as difficult as I think?

On the mornings that my husband is home to bring our daughter to daycare, I am relieved. There are no fights, no struggles. I just get to hug and kiss everyone goodbye knowing that my husband will flawlessly carry out the morning routine.

This morning was one of his mornings. I heard our daughter stirring early & I immediately thought to myself “Here we go, another easy morning for hubby.” Then something strange happened. As I quickly moved around the house to get ready for work, I overheard something so familiar. “No Dada, I don’t want to change the diaper. No! Leave the dirty diaper on. I don’t like to go to Miss Laura’s. I want my owl shirt, not the polka dots.” For a half hour, I listened as they went back & forth. I intervened to offer a hand a couple of times, but had to leave for work.

En route to work, my husband called me.

“Is that what you go through when you take her to daycare in the morning?”

“Yes, every time.”

“Oh my god! Don’t ever leave us. That was horrible”

The edges of my lips slowly raised into a satisfied smile. Silly daddy, I would never leave either of you. I love my family, meltdowns & all.

Fri
26 ^th

Parenting- The Good, The Bad & The Nasty

Posted by Pinparent — 18 Comments

This weekend, I had a rare opportunity to get away for a night with the girls. The conversation as it often does shifted to our husbands and our children. One of the ladies in our company did not have any kids. She listened as we told horror stories about botched birth plans, sleepless nights & a variety of other less than pleasant experiences. After sitting silently for a while, she finally chimed in, “The more I listen to people with kids, the more I realize that I don’t want them.”

I realized at this moment, that this is probably the case for any non-parent sitting back & looking in. How many of us only talk about the negative things, whether it be about our work, our husbands or our kids? The good stuff is never nearly as much fun to talk about. I find my friends and I arguing over whose child was the worst infant & who now has the most tantrums & meltdowns. I think mine normally wins. There are many different facets to parenthood, some are good, some are bad & some are just plain nasty.

All of these things began as early as pregnancy. Some people I know loved being pregnant, I however did not. I had every possible pregnancy symptom that there was. If only 5% of pregnant women had it, I fell in that 5%. I had morning sickness, let me correct that, I had all day sickness for 8 out of the 9 months. My toothbrush terrified me to the core because of it.
I had nose bleeds, carpal tunnel, round ligament pain, hemorrhoids, constipation & heartburn so bad that I did not eat in my 3rd trimester. When my ninth month hit, I could hardly wait for my pregnancy to be over. I was eating fresh pineapple & eggplant, massaging the webs between my fingers & tweaking my nipples while simultaneously bouncing on a yoga ball. That baby needed to come out.

When the time finally came, nothing went as planned. During my 24 hour labor I had 4 botched epidurals, endless Pitocin induced contractions & an emergency C-section that was a thing of nightmares.

In the hospital, I struggled as my daughter & I tried to learn together how to nurse & feed. Breastfeeding is not as simple as it seems. I cried for days as tried unsuccessfully to nourish my baby as an unsupportive nurse hollered at me for doing it incorrectly.

Once home, those tears continued as my nipples chafed, the lack of sleep set in, and I flipped through books & websites trying to find ways to get my daughter to stop crying.

Parenthood is a difficult thing. You surrender your independence & your freedom to this little creature. You don’t realize how much you took for granted before. Things like running to the store for milk or going to the bank are no longer a simple process. Sleeping in is a thing of the past, unless you consider 7 am sleeping in. Your immaculately decorated home now looks like Romper Room threw up all over it. Trips to the grocery store alone feel like a day at the spa. You need to schedule time to take a shower. Privacy in the bathroom is non-existent.
You get pissed on, puked on & pooped on. You may even get lucky & have all three done at the same time. Freshly picked boogers will be handed to you on a regular basis. Your lunch menu consists of half-eaten, soggy cheese sandwiches & left over juice with backwash. Breastfeeding, diapers, potty training, tantrums & tears, these are all a part of being a mother or a father. I have been exhausted for the past 2 years, 8 months and 16 days.

Before we made the decision to start a family, these were the things that scared me off from wanting children. My friends never shared the good things with me. If you think that you can handle all of the above, remember that there must be some reason that even after all of this, women are still willing to try for baby #2. Being a parent is tough, but trust me when I say that it is worth it.

Here are some of the things that make it all worthwhile…

The first time you hold your new baby in your arms
The anticipation & excitement of every milestone
Watching & hearing them laugh
Every kiss, even the snotty nosed ones
Hugs
The first time you hear mama or dada
Seeing them grow & transform
The sweet sound of all the I love yous.
Seeing parts of yourself mirrored through your child
The awe & excitement in their face when they experience something new.
All of the funny things that they say that make you smile or laugh
Cuddles
The pride you feel as you watch them learn new things
Being the one that teaches them those new things
Unconditional love & forgiveness
Hearing them screaming “Mommy!” when you come home from work
Hearing them sing
Baby feet

What are your favorite things about being a mother? Let’s share all the great things too.

Sun
27 ^th

A Very Public Meltdown

Posted by Pinparent — 17 Comments

Since the terrible twos have hit, I have felt pretty good about my ability in diffusing tantrums and meltdowns. While I sometimes complain or joke about how awful it is, inside I felt as if I had a good handle on it. I even kind of found a few of her fits humorous, although I would never laugh. I thought to myself the two aren’t so terrible. She was such a challenging infant that this is a breeze. As usual in life as soon as you think something like this, there will be a moment to prove you wrong. Today, was a very bad day. It started off innocently enough. In the morning, we read books in bed, we painted pictures & did a little house cleaning.

I tried putting Mai down for an early nap, but she was not sleepy. I was taking her to story time at a local museum today. A children’s author and illustrator was going to read some of his favorite stories and then show the kids how he did some of his illustrations. I thought this was right up my daughter’s alley as she loved books and has always enjoyed watching me draw, plus I try to let her interact with other children as often as possible. When we arrived at the museum, we were greeted with Hawaiin leis, sunglasses and juice boxes for the kids. There were rows of stools for all the children to sit on while they listened to an amusing tale about a jelly fish and his fish friend Peanut butter. Mai interacted with the other children and happily listened to the story and clapped at the colorful illustrations.

After the stories, the author pulled out an easel and engaged the children, asking them to give him a sea creature and an emotion to draw. The older children shouted out answers “happy trout”, hungry salmon”,”burping shark”. Mai pushed through the crowd to get closer to the action.

As she got to the front where all of the kids were sitting Indian style, she kept going. “Mai Mai wants to draw”. Uh Oh! Mommy jumped up and ran to get her. “No honey, he is drawing. You can sit with the other kids and watch.” “Mai Mai wants to draw too.”. “Mai, come on and sit down with mommy.” But, she kept pushing forward. I scooped her up and brought her to the front of the pack, where we sat down. She fought to get up and go to the easel. “Mai we will have to go home if you don’t sit down.” I whispered. She arched her back & wriggled out my arms, screaming. It was definitely time to go. As I gathered up her backpack and our spring jackets, she continued her frustrated display. We walked out of the room leaving a trail of yells and cries echoing over the voice of the author. Stares & glares were directed our way as I struggled to hold my frantic daughter in my arms as she yelled the words “Don’t take me”. I quickly left the building before the desk attendant had the opportunity to dial 911 and report a child abduction.

The scene in the parking lot was not much better. She continued to scream “don’t take me “while kicking her feet & trying to thrust herself out of my arms. It is amazing how freakishly strong your child is when they want to get away. While trying to load her in the car, her tiny little hands grabbed the edge of the door and she spread her body out wide to make it nearly impossible for me to get her into the car. I tried to calm her down with some toys that were in the backseat. I tried to calm her with soft words and then a few loud ones. The screaming and resistance would not end. I could not get her in the car seat. I sat in the backseat with my daughter writhing on my lap and closed the door. I let the tantrum run it’s course as I took long deep breaths in order to keep my composure. After a short while that felt rather long, she flipped the switch. She picked up the toy I presented her earlier and said “Mama look.” It was finally over.

When something like this happens, it makes you question your parenting. What am I doing wrong? Why did this happen? How should I have handled this? When all eyes are on you, you can’t help but feel judged. You are even judging yourself.

We both went down for a nap when we got home. When she woke up both our batteries were recharged and my lovely girl was back again. The rest of the evening was filled with living room picnics, more books and sheet forts. The horrors of the afternoon almost seemed a distant memory. Besides, how can I stay mad at this face?

Anatomy of a Meltdown

Posted by Pinparent — 13 Comments

How and why does a meltdown occur? It could be that a nap was skipped that afternoon , that they are not feeling well or maybe it took too long to serve dinner that evening. Either way, there is something that already has your little one agitated.

The Trigger: This evening we served our daughter one of her suppertime favorites, cucumbers and ranch dressing. I poured some dressing on her plate. “More dressing, Mama?” I add more dressing to her plate. Then the unthinkable & tragic happened, some of the dressing… (brace yourself friends) touched the cucumbers. OH NO! Mommy you really dropped the ball with this one.

The Gibberish: “Noooooo, da ba da dr dr dreeeeeesssssing. Cucumber on the dressing. “
Me “Do you want me to wipe the dressing off the cucumber?”
“Noooooooooooooo, ab ba da Ranch … cucumber”
Me “Do you want the dressing? What’s wrong, baby? Use your words”

The Tears: Now starts a fit of screams and tears that probably only lasted for about 5 minutes, but feels like five hours. My daughter hysterically gasps for breaths while pointing at the ranch dressing.

The Reasoning: “Mai Mai, mommy will clean the dressing off the plate.” I say to my daughter as I quickly fumble to wipe away the dressing from the cucumbers. This makes her cry even more. Come sit with mommy.” I still am not sure why she is crying.

The Calm: After a few minutes of hugging, humming and rocking, our daughter starts to calm down. Daddy burps a couple of times and it makes her laugh. Aaaaahhhh! Finally a happy baby again.

The Relapse: Daddy in a moment of pure insanity, eats a cucumber. How dare he? Doesn’t he know that we can not talk, eat or breath until the meltdown has run it’s course completely. As the storm rolls in again our daughter turns and looks at me “Dada ate the cucumber!!!” “Dada!! cucumbers, Ahhhhh, Noooo Dada.”

The Switch: After a few moments she shuts off her faucet of tears and reaches for a cucumber & dips it in the dressing. “Mmmm. so goood. More Ranch dressing?”

The Confusion: ?????? What? … Honey, can you hand me the Ranch dressing?

Thu
30 ^th

10 Reasons That I Wish I Was A Toddler

Posted by Pinparent — 32 Comments

It was a bad night for mommy. The terrible twos have blown through our home like a tornado & have left exhaustion & frustration in its wake. Tonight was especially rough. My daughter had a meltdown that lasted from the moment I came home until I tucked her into her crib. Collapsing on the couch with a beer and a headache got me thinking. What is my little girl so distressed about? Sure she is contending with a lot of young emotions and her little brain is taking in a lot, but all in all, I have to say I think that she has it pretty good. I would not mind being in her shoes for a few days.

Here are 10 reasons that I wish I could be a toddler.

1. I could wear footie pajamas every day. I used to joke with my husband all the time that I wish I could spend all day in footie pajamas like our daughter did. My hubby obliged & last mother’s day I ended up with a pair of these.

2. Chubby belly & thighs are considered cute. If this were only true for me, I would be considered a goddess.

3. Running around naked is acceptable. I am sort of a nudist. If it was socially acceptable, I might never put clothes on.

4. Napping I don’t understand why my daughter fights napping so much . It is wonderful. You don’t realize how much you love a good nap until you can’t take them when you want anymore.

5. You can get away with wearing anything. As adults we are always so self-conscious of our appearance & what other people think of it. I am guessing I could not get away with this mis-matched ensemble that daddy put her in one day.

6. Everything you do is funny, smart & cute. I can’t remember the last time someone oohed & aaahed over me smelling my own feet or farting. It just doesn’t happen.

7. If you pee or poop in your pants it is not embarrassing. Ok, ok, it is not that I do these things, but if I did it would be nice to know that someone would be ready with a pack of water wipes & some powder to wipe my bum down with.

8. When you are mad, you can throw a tantrum. As adults we often have to suppress these feelings which leave us stressed. How wonderful would it be to have a toddler-like tantrum & throw things & pound your fists on the floor? I would like to try this at work tomorrow & see what happens.

9. You can be a slob. How fun would it be to enjoy your food so whole heartedly? I would drop food all over myself & not bat an eyelash. When you make a mess, somewhere is always there to clean it up for you.

10. The world is your playground. One thing that I find so wonderful about my daughter is that everything is so new & exciting to her. Things that we take for granted, fill her with such wide-eyed wonder. I would love to be able to see things again through a child’s eyes.

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