It is often easy to feel that you are alone in your paranoia & fears when you are a mother. We worry about so many things. Are we spoiling are children too much? Are we disciplining them enough? Are we handling tantrums the right way? Are we feeding them the right foods? These are things that things that we constantly wrestle with, but then there are other more irrational thoughts that we contend with as well.
This weekend we had a play date with a friend of mine and her children. We were having a discussion about how our kids would fall asleep in the car while running errands. We were joking that they need to come up with a babysitting service that will come to your car so that your children can continue to sleep while you complete your errands. My friend told me that sometimes she will run in to the ATM while her children sleep because she can still see them in the car. She then went on to say that this even worried her. What if someone kidnapped her from the ATM with the children in the car & nobody knew that they were in there?
This made me come out of my seat. I have had many crazy thoughts like this since our daughter was born. How many times have I thought of scenarios just like this? In one, I have just finished fastening her in the car seat. I go to return the carriage and get hit by a car and can’t tell anyone that my daughter is in the car. In others, I am home with her alone and fall down the stairs or collapse from a heart attack or some other ailment. How will she take care of herself until daddy gets home? Will she be scared? It’s funny that nowhere in my morbid fantasies am I concerned that I just got plowed down by a car or broke my neck tumbling down the stairs.
Death used to scare me. It still does, but now for different reasons. I worry that I might not be there to watch my daughter grow up and how it might affect her. My mind is a dangerous place filled with far too many fears. I thought as she got older it would get easier, but it hasn’t. It has just opened up a new set of worries. I still check on her every night. I still look to see that she is breathing. I often felt as if I was turning into a crazy person for feeling this way. It was a relief to find out that I was not alone.
I thought it was so just me that has these types of thoughts and even just recently confessed this to my mom. She told me not crazy and that she too had these worries when my brother and I were kids, too. So guess though it is even more common then I even thought and again just so glad to know it isn’t just me.
It did truly scare me that I thought this way. I kept thinking this could not be normal. I didn’t talk about it because I felt nuts. I was so happy when my friend told me and again because you have shared. Thanks Janine. We are really all in this together.
Not irrational at all. I just had this random thought today that I need to keep the husband and myself healthy because I worry about the kids if one of us get seriously sick. I was told that when you become a mom, you’ll never listen to the news the same way again. Every news of violence becomes a nightmare. Such is the life of a mom.
This is true. I do not watch the news. I also no longer watch crime shows. I used to love Law and Order. I cant watch them anymore because it is too upsetting.
Same here. I still watch crime shows though esp about Missing cases because somehow it feels like an education. We can only pray.
And pray and pray and pray. Prayers to us all.
This is me every.single.day. Nice to hear it from another Mom. I’m soooo with you about the news and scary shows, too. Thanks so much for sharing. 🙂
Me too. It is good to hear. Thank you. It is great that someone understands.
I have that exact same fear of having a heart attack… my husband travels for work all the time. I worry like a maniac about what my 3 kids (3, 1 and 4 months) would do for the 3 ish days until daddy comes home. So glad to hear I’m not the only one.
My husband works a lot and does many overnights, so I am with you. You are definitely not the only one. Thank you for showing me that I am not alone as well.
Thanks for sharing – I wrestle with these same thoughts too. A friend once told me that she thought these uninvited, dark fantasies were the brain’s way of adjusting to the new love a child brings into our lives – making us feel just how much our kids mean to us and how precious life really is.
That does seem like the best explanation. It is definitely a love like no other, one that you could not bear to be without. Thanks you for sharing. It does make me feel better.
I think this is just normal. Mom’s have to be irrational… Didn’t you see? It is in our job description ;-)… It is totally normal. After all it is our responsibility to keep our kids safe (and the dad’s). Better having irrational fears than none at all. I think without those fears we get slack and that is when things happen…
That is true. It is better to keep those guards up. The job description is such a long one, I sometimes forget. Lol
I love this post. I thought I was the only one that had these fears and feelings. Sometimes I feel like I’m developing some sort of social anxiety disorder because of all the worries and fears I’ve been having since I became a mother.. I try to avoid the news because when I hear certain things, I start getting scared that it could happen where I live! Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one that feels and fears these things!
Yup! I avoid the news like the plague. The world terrifies me. I am so relieved to hear so many feel this same way. It does make you feel as if you are going mad sometimes.
Its crazy because ive had a draft similar to this, talking about morbid thoughts. Isnt it scary how we going carefree to someone who imagines death and the most strangest things on we become a mum?! I might polish off the dust om thag post and give you a ping back, maybe more mums will see it and realise theyre not alone too! As long as thats okay with you?
Of course it is ok. We all have our stories to share and it is comforting to hear that so many of these tales are so similar. We are not alone. We are not crazy. We are just moms.
I did it earlier, i posted it about 10 mins ago, i rejigged the old one id written. Its just mad to think you posted this and only few days ago i was talking my bad thoughts out with my hubby and writing up a piece so similar
I find this happens often. As moms we all have such similar feeling and thoughts that it seems inevitable that as bloggers we are going to share similar posts. I work on many small posts in advance and just jot down thoughts and they will sit in draft and then I will see one the same as what I am working on and then go “oh crap”, now I can’t post mine. They will think I took their idea. Of course this is not the case. That is a whole different kind of paranoia. Lol!
Haha! The blog-paranoia! Its such a mad thing i totally agree, i think its the same for all mum-bloggers out there. I think its great people find other blogs inspiring enough to blog about the same subject, even if theyve been drafts for a little while!
Ps, it is a wonderful piece.
Awh! Thank you for reading it x
Ahum, my 4 yo already knows the emergency number…. and that if anything happens at home she can knock on the neighbours door…
That is good. It is important to teach all of our children this at a young age. It is best to be prepared for anything. Good job mommy.
Ditto! With a 7 month old, I cant even tell if he would even realize that that woman who takes care of him 24×7 has suddenly gone absconding! Jokes apart.. Its not paranoia. Its a sense of realization that we got to be one step ahead of where we should be. As parents, we got to be MORE responsible than the president of the nation!!
Seriously! We have the most important job of all as mommies. I thank all of you for sharing your thoughts. It really is comforting. The next time i have these thoughts I won’t feel quiet so crazy.
Great post. Thanks for linking.
My kids used to fall asleep in the car all the time! Now it happens less often, but when it did, I wanted a drive thru at the grocery store or Target (think like a drive-in diner with employees on skates) to take my list & bring it back to my car, where I could just swipe my card & be on my way! More seriously though, I think we all have fears and worries for our kids. My own worries have changed somewhat with my oldest at 4K – other kids bullying her, the bus getting into an accident…just want to protect my kiddos & keep them their sweet, innocent selves.
I worry about the bullying already. I worry about everything. Ugh! It is tough. We want to keep them innocent and safe, but we can’t be there every second to protect & guide them. That is the scariest part.