Things You Don’t Realize Until You Have Kids

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Today my husband, posed a question that got me thinking “What would our life be like if we never had our daughter?” This question shocked me because I never thought about it once. He referenced the change in our coffee table since we had a child. Where there was once a beautiful contemporary glass and steel table now sits a wooden one with drawers and crumb filled child bumpers. What once only held just a small decorative frame is now filled with dried up chunks of Play-doh, crayons, puzzle pieces, etc..etc… etc…It is amazing how such a small thing, such as a coffee table can even be impacted by a child.


I used to think that I did not want children. Life was too good. We were happy. My husband and I both had great careers, lived comfortably, traveled around the world and enjoyed each other. I would watch my friends with children. I would see their children have tantrums. I would watch their frustration and hear them complain. One of my  girlfriends would often in the same breath, yell at her kids, complain about what they had just done & then end our conversation with “I can’t wait until you have kids.” Whooooah! What?! Are you kidding?


I did not understand my friends. I never understood why my friends didn’t have the time to do the simplest things. My husband & I would always scoff and say we wouldn’t stop our lives if we had children. What I realize now is it is not stopping your life, it is just changing your priorities.


It used to annoy me when my friends would refer to their children in terms of months for years.
“How old is she now?”
“She is 18 months.”
“Oh, you mean a 1 1/2.”
Boy, I was a bitch. I often joked that I was going to start referring to myself in months. I understand now why we use months to measure our toddler’s age. The changes that occur from month to month are so vast that every month counts. Incidentally, this year I will be turning 480 months.

It drove me nuts when they would do nothing but talk about their children, Isn’t there anything else to say? Now who is the worst offender? I talk about my kid so much I have to blog about her.


So to answer my husband’s question. “What would our life be like if we never had our daughter?” If we never had our daughter, I am sure that we would have been perfectly content continuing to live the life that we were living, because we would have been blissfully unaware of what it was like to be parents. We would not realize the amount of joy that this little person could bring into our lives. We wouldn’t know how it feels to have her say mama or dada for the first time. We wouldn’t comprehend the euphoric wave of happiness that can come over you from a single sweet kiss. We would not understand it as we did not understand the rest of these things. Life would be good… but with her life is better.


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Related topics:

The Mutual Parenthood Respect

What I miss about not having kids

The Memo You Didn’t Get


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  1. See I always wanted kids and as much my days are crazy and insane many times, I still wouldn’t trade it for the world. We went out to dinner last night without them for the first time in about two months and of course we spent half of it talking about them. So, you are right my life is just better with them in it here, too 🙂

  2. This is so true. I’ve often thought the same thing, “What would my life be like without the Kid?” We would probably travel more, which we do just to places that wouldn’t be high on our list without the Kid. We would probably go out more, which we do probably if not more now, just not to the places that we would normally go out too.

    Now, it is so difficult to imagine what our life would be like without him though.

  3. LOL you make a great point about age. We never refer to ourselves in months, and our age is more impressive in months then that of a childs. I always wanted children. On the few occasions I wondered what my life would be like without them I was sad.

  4. Obviously I remember all the things I used to do before B, but I can’t remember what it feels like to not have her around. And I don’t want to either. Things are definitely different and in a lot of ways harder, but she brings so much joy to my life every day. Even on the days where she doesn’t listen to a word I say and tells me no 80 times in an hour. 🙂

  5. I can not imagine my life without my daughter or my son. They are my daily inspiration. My reason to write and to reflect on my daily decisions. Before to be married, I wanted to be a Sister Mariane of Schoenstatt (nun). When my friends asked me: do you want to have your own kids? My answer was: I can give love to other children that are in need. But now that I am a mom of two toddler, I can say: be a mom is my biggest blessing. I will not regret this decision. I can not imagine my life without them.

  6. Oh you are so right, kids change everything! It doesn’t take long to not even be able to remember what it was like without them. I missed “popping out” when they were little. You don’t get to just pop out for years – every trip is an expedition! Then they grow up and start leaving home (I recommend having lots of kids to help to soften this stage!) The good news is you can start to do all those things with your partner (like a weekend away – ooo imagine!) that you have to put to one side when the kids are small. The bad news is your kids are walking about (taking that little piece of your heart), out there in the world without you.

  7. Beautiful post. My little man is 26 months old and I can’t imagine our lives without him. We often talk about how different our lives are now. We once traveled around the world with our jobs, now we are content sitting in the back yard while the kids play. Thanks so much for sharing your wonderful post with us at Wake Up Wednesday Linky Party. I’m truly glad you linked up today.

  8. I couldn’t imagine life without them, I suppose I would have a clean house but who knows. They are what keeps me sane and grounded. 🙂 Everything from the floor to ceiling in my life is impacted but their existence.

  9. So sweet and so true. Our children impact our lives in ways we never know about until they’re in our lives. I always knew I wanted children but one of my most interesting experiences was learning about myself as a mother- I am completely different than I ever thought I would be 🙂

  10. 33 years ago when my daughter was born my life changed forever. Now I have five beautiful grandchildren. I can’t imagine my life without all of that wonderful love in it. Thank you for joining the fun and sharing your sweet blog at the Thursday Favorite Things blog hop ♥

  11. Oh my gosh I was laughing out loud when I was reading about how new parents told you the age of their kids. I remember those days and I would go bananas because I would have to figure in my head how old someone’s child was {I am horrible at math} until we had kids then I started doing it. LOL We don’t travel, we have given things up, but I would not have it any other way! Being a mother is my most favorite journey I will ever have living on this earth 🙂

  12. Such a great post! And so true! I have thought about my life before I had my son and I was blissfully unaware of how great and fulfilled my life could be. I really love being a mom and I really think that being a mom is what I was always meant to be. It’s amazing how these little ones can make such an impact on our lives.

    Thanks so much for sharing on Turn It Up Tuesday! We love having you! 🙂

  13. I read a quote the other day that said something to the effect my without my kids my house would be clean my wallet full, but my heart would be empty! That is exactly how I feel especially the my house clean! Every last one my children bring a different type of joy and love to my heart. My husband and I often joke and say what if we would have stopped at 2. We have 6 now! Great article and thanks for visiting my blog!

  14. How thought provoking! There would be so many things that would be “easier” but boy would we be missing out on a whole lot of joy! I never realized until I had my daughter how much I would want to stay home. I never realized how a cut in finances, less pedicures, cute shoes, and nights out to eat would be more than worth it. By the way, your daughter is gorgeous!!

  15. I can totally relate. I always thought, even until now, what my life could have been without my son. Sometimes I feel guilty for even thinking about such thing. But my son is the reason for my existence and I would never wish to be back to the days when I didn’t have him yet even though those days were a lot easier. Like you, I always just kept quiet whenever my friends talk about their children when I didn’t have one before but now I can understand why they talk about their kids so much! I still refer to my son’s age in years though rather than in months as I often get confused when counting in months. Lol.

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