10 Things You Can’t Do If You Have Kids

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There are many things that you take for granted before you have children. The small everyday things that do not seem like much turn into a rare treat once you have a child. Here are 10 things that are almost impossible to do when you have a child.

1. Get through a whole meal without getting up – “Mama, I want juice.” “Mama, I spilled my juice.” “Mama, I need more juice.” Between wiping up spills, cleaning a dirty little face & making a cheese sandwich because spaghetti just wouldn’t do, it is amazing that I am not a size 2.

2. Go to the bathroom in private – Since the day that my daughter was born, I have come to terms with never getting to go the bathroom without an audience. As an infant our daughter would accompany me to the can while riding shotgun in her Bjorn. As a toddler she will just bust in on mommy. “Pick me up.” Not now, mommy is pooping. Let’s not even talk about using a public restroom.

3. Have an uninterrupted phone conversation with a friend – Before our daughter was born it used to drive me crazy when I would talk to my friends on the phone that had kids. I would be in the midst of a riveting story about my carefree childless weekend when “NO! Don’t touch that!” “Get that out of your mouth.” I am not sure which is worse, being on that side of the conversation then or being on the other side now. Now the only time I get a chance to have a full chat with a friend is in the car while I’m driving.

4. Take a shower – Perhaps this does not belong on the list as obviously I do shower, but it can be such a challenge at times that I think it has earned its spot. If the hubby isn’t home, I usually do not get a shower that day.  

5. Sleep in on the weekends – Oh how I miss sleeping in late on the weekends. I have tried to explain to my daughter that on Saturdays mommy likes to sleep in, but she does not seem to understand this. It seems as if she purposely wakes earlier on a weekends than on the weekdays. I think this is meant as a payback for dragging her out of bed to go to daycare.

6. Make it anywhere on time –  It does not seem to matter how much additional time I give myself, something always holds us up. Trying to get my daughter out the door as she is tearing off her clothes and having a half-naked tantrum because she wanted to wear her purple shirt, not her pink shirt can be time consuming.

7. Take a sick day – If you are under the weather you might be able to call out of work, but your little boss at home does not give days off so freely. She requires overtime & constantly has you on call. She expects 3 meals on the table, a few Play-Doh crafts and sheet forts set up all over the house before your work day is over. She does not accept excuses.

8. Have nice things – Nice things could mean anything from clothing & jewelry to furniture & other home decor. I have not worn earrings in 3 years because my toddler’s first instinct is to try to yank them out of my ears. Our couches are full of dried up Play-Doh chunks and missing puzzle pieces. If you have a child don’t buy nice clothes. You are just asking for peanut butter finger prints all over your lovely new frocks.

9. Watch TV during the day – I can remember lazy weekends cuddling with my husband on the couch watching movies and just relaxing. Those days are over. I try not to allow too much television time during the day, but if it is on, it is Bubble Guppies and Doc McStuffins that light up our screen.

10. Swear – Alright, it is not as if my husband & I used to sit around throwing F-bombs at each other, but if one did slip out there were no consequences. These days with a little parrot in our midst, if a naughty word comes out of one of our mouths it could result in an outburst of toddler Tourettes in the grocery store. It is not just the curse words either that are repeated, so watch all context around your little mimics.



31 comments on “10 Things You Can’t Do If You Have Kids

  1. But hey, never has going to the toilet been as entertaining as with kids 🙂 (“can I see your poo please?”)

    Btw, why not just take your toddler with you when you want a shower? Put water in a bucket and at least both of mine mostly happily played there while I was washing my hair. When the younger one was a baby and the older 1+ I put the baby on a mat on the floor and kept an eye on both of them while having a shower…. it may have been a quick one, and not overly relaxing, but beats feeling yacky all day!

  2. LOL! I love your posts…like really looove them. So yeah, I never ever, ever swear in front of my kids, if anyone were to mutter the word, “stupid” or “hate” in front of my kids I cover their ears with “ear muffs” —–> cue ‘Old School’…. However, once my kids are nestled in their cozy beds for the evening, I’ve, a few times, talked like a pirate…not because I am a secret pirate, but just because I can say a couple of those words. I’m such a hypocrite! *gasp* LOL!!

  3. This had me laughing, you’re so right. And I’m sad at the comment below that I won’t be able to sleep in when my nugget is older.
    Is yours crazy grumpy when she wakes up? Naps, morning everything mine is like a wild animal!

  4. Pop Anywhere! That’s what I would add to this fab list! I missed just popping to the shop or where ever. Going out is a complex logistical planning exercise even just to grab a couple of groceries.
    The good news is once your kids are a little older and can operate the TV and get themselves breakfast most of these ease off a bit, you even get weekend lie ins back now and again when they don’t have some sort of club or sport to get to!

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