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Why 40 Is Not The New 20

IMG_20150114_212921548_HDRSomething happened today. I went to the eye doctor. I have been having problems focusing on things directly in front of me lately, so I went to have some tests done. After a number of exams, the doctor informed me that I might want to start wearing reading glasses & that over the next year or two that I would probably need to wear them regularly. He went on to explain that this is common in women “my age”.

“My age”? Did I just hear him correctly? While it is no surprise that this mother hen is no longer a spring chicken, this still did give me a jolt of reality. It is true that I am getting older.

They say that 40 is the new 20, but I disagree & here is why.

At 20… I hoped & prayed not to get carded when I ordered a drink out. “Please, don’t ask for ID. Please don’t ask for ID.”
At 40…If I get asked for my license, I am so excited that I need to text everyone I ever met, update my Facebook status & Tweet about it after I finish doing a back flip.

At 20…I was called Miss
At 40..I am referred to as Ma’am like it is a dirty word.

At 20…My jeans were low rise & my breasts were up to my neck
At 40…My breasts are low rise & my jeans are up to my neck.

At 20…my nights out started at 10 o’clock.
At 40…my nights out end with me passed out on the couch by 10 o’clock with the Big Bang Theory playing in the background.

At 20…I slathered on a pound of make-up to try to cover a pin-head sized pimple & continued to try to block it with my hands all day.
At 40…I shamelessly display my crow’s feet, stretch marks, gray hairs & every other imperfection without blinking an eye.

At 20…I would drink all night & wake in the morning without a feeling hung-over.
At 40…I can wake up feeling hung-over when I haven’t had a drink in months.

At 20…My medicine cabinet held a few bottles of cheap nail polish & cosmetics.
At 40…It is filled with prescription medication & hemorrhoid cream.

At 20…A hot and sweaty night might mean that you had a good date.
At 40…It means your peri-menopausal.

At 20…You hope that you are never like your mother.
At 40…You realize you are your mother and proud of it.

10 Things You Can’t Do If You Have Kids

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There are many things that you take for granted before you have children. The small everyday things that do not seem like much turn into a rare treat once you have a child. Here are 10 things that are almost impossible to do when you have a child.

1. Get through a whole meal without getting up – “Mama, I want juice.” “Mama, I spilled my juice.” “Mama, I need more juice.” Between wiping up spills, cleaning a dirty little face & making a cheese sandwich because spaghetti just wouldn’t do, it is amazing that I am not a size 2.

2. Go to the bathroom in private – Since the day that my daughter was born, I have come to terms with never getting to go the bathroom without an audience. As an infant our daughter would accompany me to the can while riding shotgun in her Bjorn. As a toddler she will just bust in on mommy. “Pick me up.” Not now, mommy is pooping. Let’s not even talk about using a public restroom.

3. Have an uninterrupted phone conversation with a friend – Before our daughter was born it used to drive me crazy when I would talk to my friends on the phone that had kids. I would be in the midst of a riveting story about my carefree childless weekend when “NO! Don’t touch that!” “Get that out of your mouth.” I am not sure which is worse, being on that side of the conversation then or being on the other side now. Now the only time I get a chance to have a full chat with a friend is in the car while I’m driving.

4. Take a shower – Perhaps this does not belong on the list as obviously I do shower, but it can be such a challenge at times that I think it has earned its spot. If the hubby isn’t home, I usually do not get a shower that day.  

5. Sleep in on the weekends – Oh how I miss sleeping in late on the weekends. I have tried to explain to my daughter that on Saturdays mommy likes to sleep in, but she does not seem to understand this. It seems as if she purposely wakes earlier on a weekends than on the weekdays. I think this is meant as a payback for dragging her out of bed to go to daycare.

6. Make it anywhere on time –  It does not seem to matter how much additional time I give myself, something always holds us up. Trying to get my daughter out the door as she is tearing off her clothes and having a half-naked tantrum because she wanted to wear her purple shirt, not her pink shirt can be time consuming.

7. Take a sick day – If you are under the weather you might be able to call out of work, but your little boss at home does not give days off so freely. She requires overtime & constantly has you on call. She expects 3 meals on the table, a few Play-Doh crafts and sheet forts set up all over the house before your work day is over. She does not accept excuses.

8. Have nice things – Nice things could mean anything from clothing & jewelry to furniture & other home decor. I have not worn earrings in 3 years because my toddler’s first instinct is to try to yank them out of my ears. Our couches are full of dried up Play-Doh chunks and missing puzzle pieces. If you have a child don’t buy nice clothes. You are just asking for peanut butter finger prints all over your lovely new frocks.

9. Watch TV during the day – I can remember lazy weekends cuddling with my husband on the couch watching movies and just relaxing. Those days are over. I try not to allow too much television time during the day, but if it is on, it is Bubble Guppies and Doc McStuffins that light up our screen.

10. Swear – Alright, it is not as if my husband & I used to sit around throwing F-bombs at each other, but if one did slip out there were no consequences. These days with a little parrot in our midst, if a naughty word comes out of one of our mouths it could result in an outburst of toddler Tourettes in the grocery store. It is not just the curse words either that are repeated, so watch all context around your little mimics.

 

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100 Things That I am Thankful For

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Why is it that it takes the holidays for us to reflect on the things in our life that are most important? On New Year’s we resolve to better ourselves, on Valentine’s Day we show appreciation for our spouses & lovers and on Thanksgiving we give thanks for all of the gifts that god has given us. We should resolve to be better every day. We should celebrate our love & all of these gifts every second, but with the stresses of work, bills & daily life often we do forget. The holidays do offer a great nudge. This week is Thanksgiving. There are many things that I am grateful for but often take for granted. I challenged myself to make a list of 100 things, some are things that I cannot live without, some are the little things that make me smile, but all are things that make be thankful. These are not listed in any particular order.

1. My husband & daughter and my extended family

2. Life and health

3. A good-natured debate

4. Watching my daughter sleep

5. Low fat frozen yogurt

6. Weekends off

7. My memories

8. Sweatpants

9. Art

10. My daughter’s laughter

11. Owls

12. Changes of season

13. My mother-in-law

14. Spanx

15. Meditation

16. The money in my wallet

17. Beauty in unexpected places

18. Our travels

19. Chocolate

20. Inspiration

21. My sister

22. Color

23. Day dreams

24. Heated mattress pads

25. Inside jokes

26. Home movies

27. Forgiveness

28. Good friends that are always there

29. Books

30. Unsolicited compliments

31. Thunderstorms

32. ‘The Princess Bride’

33. Tears of happiness

34. Hugs

35. Upbeat people

36. Decaf coffee

37. Foot rubs

38. Singing when no ones listening

39. Raw honey

40. Our dog

41. All the I love yous

42. Old photographs

43. A good sneeze

44. The blogs that I follow & the ones that follow me

45. Peppermint Patties- Get the sensation

46. My mother visiting in my dreams

47. Pinterest

48. Central Air

49. Post-It notes

50. The Beatles

51. Water

52. My snooze button

53. Dance

54. Finding a solution to a problem

55. Bubble baths

56. The warmth of the sun

57. Cherry blossoms

58. Swiffer

59. Baby feet

60. Traditions

61. Drive through windows

62. “The Big Bang Theory” nerds

63. Naps

64. Movie quotes

65. Moments of silence

66. Kisses

67. Brie & jelly

68. Dimples

69. Anti-bacterial wipes

70. Netflix Streaming

71. Internet shopping

72. Sunsets

73. Family outings

74. That perfect little black dress

75. Herbal tea

76. Pearl jewelry

77. The sound of bagpipes

78. Respect

79. Moments of clarity

80. Snow Days

81. Looking up at the stars

82. Cuddling on the couch

83. Our home

84. Christmas Carols

85. The sounds & smell of the beach

86. Toe socks – Have you ever worn a pair? You would be thankful too.

87. A blank canvas

88. A quick-witted comeback

89. Girls’ nights out

90. Kindness of strangers

91. Nutella

92. The lessons I have learned from the mistakes I have made

93. Puns

94. Musicals

95. Vicks Vapor Rub

96. A lit fireplace on a cold night

97. Hair colorant

98. Over-sized sweaters

99. My glue gun

100. God for blessing me with all of these gifts

What are you most thankful for? Can you list 100 things that you are grateful for? I challenge you to post your list. Link back to me if you do so that I may see what makes you thankful.