Category

Life

A Mother’s Resume

Resume

Yesterday I did a post about the irrational fears of mothers. A reader commented that these irrational thoughts are part of our job description. This made me chuckle. My response was that our job description is far too long, that sometimes I forget what is on it. It got me thinking. Being a parent is a difficult job. It is demanding, keeps long hours & you never get a day off. Our list of responsibilities is a lengthy one.

A Mother’s Resume

12/18/2014
The Pinterested Parent
https://www.facebook.com/thepinterestedparent
Thepinterestedparent.com

——————————————————————————————————————

OBJECTIVE:

To successfully raise our child to be a sweet, smart, well-mannered young lady with family values, respect for others and a strong sense of self, without screwing it all up.

EXPERIENCE:

Mother to Mai (January 2012-present)

Child Care Manager 

  • Nursing with no regard to sore breasts, bleeding nipples or mastitis
  • Changed thousands of soiled diapers & cleaned poop out of clothing, hair and sheets on several occasions.
  • Endured sleepless nights comforting a crying baby, a cranky toddler, a sick kid & a scared child
  • Over-protector and dirty look wielder to playground bullies
  • Kissed and bandaged many boo boos & ouchies
  • Wiper of runny noses, poopy bottoms, dirty hands & tears
  • Personal chef to the most finicky of eaters
  • Washed, bathed, shampooed & brushed the teeth of a squirming child daily
  • Hairdresser & stylist specializing in pig tales & Elsa braids
  • Responsible for transport by either horsey ride, piggy back, carrying, stroller or car
  • Diffusing tantrums & meltdowns

Education Director

  • Teacher of colors, objects, animals, math, reading, sign language, problem solving and geography
  • Acting as a role model trying to accomplish all of the things in the above objective without passing on all of my own bad habits and short comings
  • Professor of arts & crafts with a deep focus on paper plate art, painting, Play-Doh sculptures & macaroni art
  • Assists in the progression of crawling, walking, talking, potty training & riding a bike
  • Responsible for discussions on God, love, sex, death and other various subjects pertaining to life

Purveyor of memories

  • Amateur photojournalist chronicling the life of my little girl from birth to present day
  • Collector of art projects & drawings
  • Archiver of cute, funny & beautiful moments that I will hold securely in my heart & head

Head of Entertainment

  • Skilled at Peekaboo, I got your nose & shadow puppets
  • Builder of sheet forts & puzzles
  • Lead singer of popular children’s songs & silly made up ones
  • Tea party guest and Play-Doh cake taste tester
  • Master story teller and book reader
  • Knock Knock joke aficionado

Housekeeper

  • Washer of dirty laundry (no sir, that is actually daddy)
  • Dishwasher
  • Sweeps up dried up Play-Doh, glitter, crumbs, chunks of crayon, etc…
  • Wipes up juice spills and potty training accidents
  • Picks up toys, and then picks them up again and then again and again
  • Instructs our little housekeeper in training how to be responsible for all of the above chores

SPECIAL SKILLS

  • Carrying a diaper bag, pocket book, juice boxes and stuffed animal while balancing a child on the hip
  • Giver & receiver of unconditional love
  • Demonstrating patience when my patience wears thin
  • Expert at hugs, kisses & cuddles
  • Mind reader during incomprehensible crying fits
  • References are available in crayon upon request.

10563015_10203591621864395_5107110619492089424_n

A Mother's Resume

 

Irrational Mommy Thoughts

10609434_10203591608544062_6128450505371610903_n

It is often easy to feel that you are alone in your paranoia & fears when you are a mother. We worry about so many things. Are we spoiling are children too much? Are we disciplining them enough? Are we handling tantrums the right way? Are we feeding them the right foods? These are things that things that we constantly wrestle with, but then there are other more irrational thoughts that we contend with as well.

This weekend we had a play date with a friend of mine and her children. We were having a discussion about how our kids would fall asleep in the car while running errands. We were joking that they need to come up with a babysitting service that will come to your car so that your children can continue to sleep while you complete your errands. My friend told me that sometimes she will run in to the ATM while her children sleep because she can still see them in the car. She then went on to say that this even worried her. What if someone kidnapped her from the ATM with the children in the car & nobody knew that they were in there?

This made me come out of my seat. I have had many crazy thoughts like this since our daughter was born. How many times have I thought of scenarios just like this? In one, I have just finished fastening her in the car seat. I go to return the carriage and get hit by a car and can’t tell anyone that my daughter is in the car. In others, I am home with her alone and fall down the stairs or collapse from a heart attack or some other ailment. How will she take care of herself until daddy gets home? Will she be scared? It’s funny that nowhere in my morbid fantasies am I concerned that I just got plowed down by a car or broke my neck tumbling down the stairs.

Death used to scare me. It still does, but now for different reasons. I worry that I might not be there to watch my daughter grow up and how it might affect her. My mind is a dangerous place filled with far too many fears. I thought as she got older it would get easier, but it hasn’t. It has just opened up a new set of worries. I still check on her every night. I still look to see that she is breathing. I often felt as if I was turning into a crazy person for feeling this way. It was a relief to find out that I was not alone.

10 Things You Can’t Do If You Have Kids

img_6404 (1)

There are many things that you take for granted before you have children. The small everyday things that do not seem like much turn into a rare treat once you have a child. Here are 10 things that are almost impossible to do when you have a child.

1. Get through a whole meal without getting up – “Mama, I want juice.” “Mama, I spilled my juice.” “Mama, I need more juice.” Between wiping up spills, cleaning a dirty little face & making a cheese sandwich because spaghetti just wouldn’t do, it is amazing that I am not a size 2.

2. Go to the bathroom in private – Since the day that my daughter was born, I have come to terms with never getting to go the bathroom without an audience. As an infant our daughter would accompany me to the can while riding shotgun in her Bjorn. As a toddler she will just bust in on mommy. “Pick me up.” Not now, mommy is pooping. Let’s not even talk about using a public restroom.

3. Have an uninterrupted phone conversation with a friend – Before our daughter was born it used to drive me crazy when I would talk to my friends on the phone that had kids. I would be in the midst of a riveting story about my carefree childless weekend when “NO! Don’t touch that!” “Get that out of your mouth.” I am not sure which is worse, being on that side of the conversation then or being on the other side now. Now the only time I get a chance to have a full chat with a friend is in the car while I’m driving.

4. Take a shower – Perhaps this does not belong on the list as obviously I do shower, but it can be such a challenge at times that I think it has earned its spot. If the hubby isn’t home, I usually do not get a shower that day.  

5. Sleep in on the weekends – Oh how I miss sleeping in late on the weekends. I have tried to explain to my daughter that on Saturdays mommy likes to sleep in, but she does not seem to understand this. It seems as if she purposely wakes earlier on a weekends than on the weekdays. I think this is meant as a payback for dragging her out of bed to go to daycare.

6. Make it anywhere on time –  It does not seem to matter how much additional time I give myself, something always holds us up. Trying to get my daughter out the door as she is tearing off her clothes and having a half-naked tantrum because she wanted to wear her purple shirt, not her pink shirt can be time consuming.

7. Take a sick day – If you are under the weather you might be able to call out of work, but your little boss at home does not give days off so freely. She requires overtime & constantly has you on call. She expects 3 meals on the table, a few Play-Doh crafts and sheet forts set up all over the house before your work day is over. She does not accept excuses.

8. Have nice things – Nice things could mean anything from clothing & jewelry to furniture & other home decor. I have not worn earrings in 3 years because my toddler’s first instinct is to try to yank them out of my ears. Our couches are full of dried up Play-Doh chunks and missing puzzle pieces. If you have a child don’t buy nice clothes. You are just asking for peanut butter finger prints all over your lovely new frocks.

9. Watch TV during the day – I can remember lazy weekends cuddling with my husband on the couch watching movies and just relaxing. Those days are over. I try not to allow too much television time during the day, but if it is on, it is Bubble Guppies and Doc McStuffins that light up our screen.

10. Swear – Alright, it is not as if my husband & I used to sit around throwing F-bombs at each other, but if one did slip out there were no consequences. These days with a little parrot in our midst, if a naughty word comes out of one of our mouths it could result in an outburst of toddler Tourettes in the grocery store. It is not just the curse words either that are repeated, so watch all context around your little mimics.

 

 IMG_63071

When Santa Writes Back

Santa's letter

*My daughter received a letter in exchange for my honest review. I attest that all opinions are my own.**

If I have seemed overly giddy about Christmas this year that is because I am. Having a child changes the whole feeling of the holidays. Watching her discover the magic of the season makes me feel young again. This year she has a deeper understanding of Christmas & all of its wonders.

We went for our annual visit to see Santa Claus. This was the first year that she was able to tell him what she wanted. Without hesitation she told Santa & his elves what she wanted most this year. “I want a train set.” This is all that she has asked for this year.

img_6514

Over the past few weeks she has written several letters to Old St. Nick, well sort of. She cannot write quite yet, but she makes squiggly lines across the paper & will recite off to me all of the things on her list. She asks for a train set for herself each time, but being the sweetheart that she is, she doesn’t forget to ask Santa for presents for mommy & daddy and all of her friends. She asked Santa to bring mama a new brush, some candy for daddy & a new pocket book for Nana.

img_7933 IMG_7186

With all of the anticipation for Mr. Claus’ arrival, our little girl has been working overtime to make it onto the nice list. Her good behavior has not been overlooked. Santa has taken notice.

Santa letter

From your smallest little believer to your biggest, Santa’s Red Letter offers a personalized letter just for you. These beautiful authentic looking letters come postmarked from the North Pole. You can pick from a selection of letters from either the naughty (tsk tsk tsk) or nice (awww) lists or you can compose one of your own choosing.

slide-1-image

At only $9.95 +free shipping, Santa’s Red Letter is a wonderful way to keep your children believing in the magic of the holidays.

As an added bonus 10% of the proceeds of sales are being donated to Toys For Tots, so you can help spread the Christmas cheer to those less fortunate as you add a little joy to your children’s day.

It looks like Mai might just get that train set this year after all. Thanks Santa.

 

 

 

 

A Space Just For Me

IMG_7734Visitors often giggle as they walk into our front door. The reason for the chuckles is probably that they are greeted by a giant cardboard house surrounded by a play kitchen and piles of children’s books. If you look around our house there is very little proof that there are adults inhabiting it. Our coffee table is a Play-Doh crafting workshop. Our DVD cabinet is filled with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Mary Poppins and several Disney classics. The decor hanging on my walls are made out of paper plates & toddler hand prints and the crafting supplies that made them are scattered all over our kitchen island and dining room table.

Most of our home has been branded & claimed by our little girl. That is alright by me. That messy pile of clay on our table expands that beautiful imagination of hers. Those DVD’s have brought comfort & cuddles when my daughter has been ill. Those crafts have given us hours of bonding and smiles. Our home is a happy one, unkempt, cluttered and filled with Play-Doh, toys and love. Still, I do sometimes miss the memory of a tidy home. I might not have that clean space anymore, but I do have one comfy little nook that is all mine.

After our daughter has been tucked in to bed for the evening & my husband has passed out on the couch, it is time for me to retire to my favorite spot.

IMG_7713

Duke keeps my seat warm for me until I get there. I snuggle in with him nuzzled up at my feet. This is my time. This is where I unwind, reflect, and work on my favorite outlet, my blog. My space is not much. The cushions are flat & worn. There is dog hair everywhere, but on my chair with my laptop laid across my legs, I have shared many funny stories, ideas, crafts, recipes and thoughts on being a mommy. Sure, I could have a home office with a fancy desk and a PC like we used to, but we gladly traded that in for a crib and changing table. Who needs a desk? This is my office.

IMG_7737

Do you have your own cozy work space? Please share with us.

Check out WeWork & check out some other creative work spaces. WeWork is a co-working company that aims to inspire creative people to do what they love. So… If you’re interested in learning more about WeWork checkout some of their locations to see if they are in an area near you!

 

 

100 Things That I am Thankful For

66959_10203700102216336_7780072121175294854_n

Why is it that it takes the holidays for us to reflect on the things in our life that are most important? On New Year’s we resolve to better ourselves, on Valentine’s Day we show appreciation for our spouses & lovers and on Thanksgiving we give thanks for all of the gifts that god has given us. We should resolve to be better every day. We should celebrate our love & all of these gifts every second, but with the stresses of work, bills & daily life often we do forget. The holidays do offer a great nudge. This week is Thanksgiving. There are many things that I am grateful for but often take for granted. I challenged myself to make a list of 100 things, some are things that I cannot live without, some are the little things that make me smile, but all are things that make be thankful. These are not listed in any particular order.

1. My husband & daughter and my extended family

2. Life and health

3. A good-natured debate

4. Watching my daughter sleep

5. Low fat frozen yogurt

6. Weekends off

7. My memories

8. Sweatpants

9. Art

10. My daughter’s laughter

11. Owls

12. Changes of season

13. My mother-in-law

14. Spanx

15. Meditation

16. The money in my wallet

17. Beauty in unexpected places

18. Our travels

19. Chocolate

20. Inspiration

21. My sister

22. Color

23. Day dreams

24. Heated mattress pads

25. Inside jokes

26. Home movies

27. Forgiveness

28. Good friends that are always there

29. Books

30. Unsolicited compliments

31. Thunderstorms

32. ‘The Princess Bride’

33. Tears of happiness

34. Hugs

35. Upbeat people

36. Decaf coffee

37. Foot rubs

38. Singing when no ones listening

39. Raw honey

40. Our dog

41. All the I love yous

42. Old photographs

43. A good sneeze

44. The blogs that I follow & the ones that follow me

45. Peppermint Patties- Get the sensation

46. My mother visiting in my dreams

47. Pinterest

48. Central Air

49. Post-It notes

50. The Beatles

51. Water

52. My snooze button

53. Dance

54. Finding a solution to a problem

55. Bubble baths

56. The warmth of the sun

57. Cherry blossoms

58. Swiffer

59. Baby feet

60. Traditions

61. Drive through windows

62. “The Big Bang Theory” nerds

63. Naps

64. Movie quotes

65. Moments of silence

66. Kisses

67. Brie & jelly

68. Dimples

69. Anti-bacterial wipes

70. Netflix Streaming

71. Internet shopping

72. Sunsets

73. Family outings

74. That perfect little black dress

75. Herbal tea

76. Pearl jewelry

77. The sound of bagpipes

78. Respect

79. Moments of clarity

80. Snow Days

81. Looking up at the stars

82. Cuddling on the couch

83. Our home

84. Christmas Carols

85. The sounds & smell of the beach

86. Toe socks – Have you ever worn a pair? You would be thankful too.

87. A blank canvas

88. A quick-witted comeback

89. Girls’ nights out

90. Kindness of strangers

91. Nutella

92. The lessons I have learned from the mistakes I have made

93. Puns

94. Musicals

95. Vicks Vapor Rub

96. A lit fireplace on a cold night

97. Hair colorant

98. Over-sized sweaters

99. My glue gun

100. God for blessing me with all of these gifts

What are you most thankful for? Can you list 100 things that you are grateful for? I challenge you to post your list. Link back to me if you do so that I may see what makes you thankful.

Talking To The Angels

image

It has often been said that children can see the angels among us. Our daughter has been surrounded by two very special angels her whole life. Sadly my mother and my husband’s father passed before ever getting the opportunity to meet their first grandchild. That did not stop us from introducing Mai to them at an early age. She wakes to their faces every morning. Their photos guard over her while she sleeps. She recognizes their pictures.

It has been many years since I lost my mother. My husband’s loss is fresher. The start of every football season sends my husband into a tailspin of emotions. Football was something that he shared with his father. I can remember the exchange of phone calls after plays. Sometimes they were screams of victory, other times they were filled with obscenities and anger about bad plays, poor calls and a plethora of other football related things that I know nothing about. Those calls are something that he misses.

My husband is in a football pool at a local Legion hall, one that his father had frequented in life. Every week he goes to play his picks for that week. Recently, he needed to take Mai with him. They went into the hall, made their choices and headed right back out the door. As they were leaving, Mai pointed behind them. “Look, it’s Grandpa Mike.” My husband stopped. “Where? Where do you see him?” “Right there.” she said, pointing back at the empty doorway again. There would be no reason for our daughter to make the connection between that building and her grandfather, but she did.

Last night as we were relaxing before bed, Mai began talking about her grandfather again. She was telling us a story about Grandpa Mike. I asked her “Do you talk to Grandpa Mike?” “Yes” she replied. “What does grandpa say to you when you talk to him?” “He says I am growing bigger & bigger.” My husband & I fell silent and looked at one another. We didn’t need to speak. We both already knew what the other was thinking. I didn’t ask another question. I just reflected on our little girl’s answer.

All this time I have felt so much sorrow that she never got the chance to meet her grandparents, but it seems as if they have been with her all along.

 

 

Through The Eyes Of A Child

IMG_6561

This weekend we took an early trip to Santa’s workshop to beat the crowd and get in our Christmas lists. My daughter asked Santa to bring her a train set this year and some more Play-doh. She made certain to reiterate that she wanted a train set two more times before leaving his side.

IMG_6514

Outside of his workshop there is a room, a magical room filled with twinkling trees & falling snow. I watched my daughter & her friend as they ran through the fake snow. As the snow formed small piles around them, they tossed it up into the air, giddy with excitement. At first I began to object, but the objections trailed off. Have I ever enjoyed anything as much as they do right now I wondered? I stared at my girl, unable to blink. I didn’t want to lose a precious moment. I felt my eyes well up with tears. I hoped that nobody saw me. I felt silly to be crying, but I just couldn’t help it.

IMG_6565

There are moments when a mother cries. The tears are not from sadness, they are from joy. Sometimes there is so much happiness, so much love that your body simply cannot contain it. When it finally bursts, it can bring forth an explosion of smiles & laughter and at other times it flows out as tears. These tears are not bitter, they are sweet.

IMG_6547

I felt as if I had never witnessed anything quite so beautiful. I could feel her wonder. It was magical. Her energy was contagious. I found myself grabbing a handful of snow as well. Before I could throw it, I was hit in the face with a small handful of white flakes. My assailant was a dimpled face angel with braids in her hair. She laughed uncontrollably. “I got you, mama.” She giggled & then ran away.

IMG_6544

I looked around at the disapproving looks from the other mothers at our antics, but I simply did not care. Let them look. Today, I see life through my child’s eyes. Today, I am innocent and free and I don’t care what others think. With tears in my eyes, snow in my hair, a smile on my face & love in my heart I realize that this is my happy place. This is what life is all about. This is why I became a mother.

IMG_6563

Exciting News

logo1

 

A couple of months ago, I was contacted by my blogging friend from the lovely blog From Palmetto Pride To Pad Thai.  She told me about a new online parenting magazine focusing on child and human development that she was starting. Seek Magazine was inspired by her son and his social and language delays that were brought on during a period of regression. All proceeds of the magazine will go to the non-profit organization they created. It is a scholarship fund for children in need of therapy to help with developmental delays. I am excited be contributing to the Activities section. Please check out my latest post ‘Crafty Glue Peels’ This is a crafting favorite in our home.

Craftygluepeels.jpg

Please tune in to Miss Mai & I while we share our favorite crafts & activities. http://www.seekmagazine.org/kim-uliana/

10 Things Not To Say To A Mother Of A Baby/Toddler

429259_3118057883664_1840661207_n
It is amazing how a simple sentence can have such an effect on you. It is just a handful of words, but those words can open a whole flood gate of emotions. This month has been tough for our family. We have been sick a lot lately. I was at the drugstore picking up antibiotics for my latest illness and ran into a friend in town. “Are you sick?” she asked. “Yeah, I have a sinus infection.” “Every time I see you, you are sick.” This is a phrase that I have heard often. It is a true statement, but it is one that pisses me off. Quite similarly, I hear “Your daughter is always sick, huh?” When it is said, it always sounds more like an accusation than concern. I know I get sick a lot, so does my daughter, so does my husband.  You do not need to point it out to me. I already know. Believe me, we do not enjoy it. This is just an example of one of the things that people say that drives me crazy.

There are several other hot button phrases that mommies just don’t want to hear…

Are you pregnant again?  – Write this down. Don’t ever ask any woman if she is pregnant. Just don’t do it! It will avoid an awkward & potentially hurtful situation for all if you never ask this question. Unless that woman is screaming out in labor pains & actually crowning in front of you, don’t even hint around to her being pregnant.

Your child looks nothing like you. – I hear this one all the time. I had to endure 9 months of pregnancy & then a 24 hour labor that still sends shivers up my spine. After all of that I was rewarded with a beautiful little girl that barely looks like me. The truth is that she is a clone of her father, but when I look at her, I don’t see that. I see my daughter. I see a part of me, so don’t burst my bubble.

Your child isn’t crawling, walking, talking etc.. yet? – Children all learn & develop at different rates. Not every child reaches these milestones at the same time. It is great that Johnny Toddler was potty trained at 16 months, but that does not mean that there is anything wrong with my child if they were not at the same age.

When are you having another baby? – If you actually do want another child & it just has not happened yet because of conception issues, miscarriage or any other reason, this is just downright cruel. If you are undecided or do not want another child, it is plain annoying. Either way it is not any of your business. Because we are nice, we will kindly shoot you a strained smile and offer a clever quip or joke to avoid your question. Take the hint.

I don’t ever let my child do that. – That is awesome that you have never let your child watch television or eat a piece of candy. You are amazing. You should write a parenting book, now if you don’t mind Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is on.

You look tired. – I love when people say this. Of course I am tired, moron. I am a mother. I will be tired for years to come, but please by all means continue to point this out. Just say what you mean. “You look like a huge bag of crap.”  I personally think chocolate milk stained sweats & chipped nail polish are a good look for me.

What did you do all day? – This is typically asked by a spouse (not mine luckily), but others do it as well. You are just asking to get slapped if you ask this question. Everything is more difficult when you have a little one. When they are infants, it is eat, poop, cry, nap & repeat. As my daughter got older, just trying to get her dressed in the morning was an adventure. “I want pink pants, no purple pants, no I don’t want pants, I want a skirt.” Now repeat this several times a day & just change out the nouns. What did I do all day? I tried to get through it.

Looks like somebody is cranky, tired, hungry…. – When you are out in public & wrestling with your testy baby or toddler, the very thing you need in that situation is unsolicited advice and comments from complete strangers or even sometimes your family & friends. Do you want to be helpful? Go buy me a coffee & a jelly donut and then go grocery shopping for me. Thanks!

You make me never want to have kids – Ouch! I have said this phrase to one of my friends before I was a mommy. I told her she was my birth control. What a bitch I was! Now that I have heard this myself as a mommy, I realize that it not only hurts my feelings and makes me feel inadequate as a mother, it also makes me sad that the joy of motherhood doesn’t shine through.

How do you say his/her name? – These days baby name are becoming more exotic & obscure. My daughter was named after my mother. Mai is a Vietnamese named that means cherry blossom. When people ask me what our daughter’s name is I have gotten in the habit of saying “Her name is Mai as in Mai Tai. She is named after my mother” This hopefully stops the parade of botched pronunciations & stupid questions. When our daughter was first born a work colleague of my husband actually argued with him about how to pronounce her name.
“You mean her name is May?”
“No, it’s Mai.”
“No, it is May.”
“I am pretty sure it is Mai.”

Here are a few bonus phrases unrelated to motherhood that I could do without…
Hey, it looks like you have packed on a few pounds.
You shouldn’t be eating/drinking that.
Looks like someone needs to get their roots done.
Is it your time of the month?
Any sentence that begins with “No offense, but …” or “Don’t take this the wrong way…”

What are some things that people say that drive you crazy?

10 things not to say to a mother